


Become Yourself

by abyss1826



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, CyberLife Tower Connor | RK800-60-centric, Deviant CyberLife Tower Connor | RK800-60, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eye Trauma, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SWAT RK800-60, Self-Harm, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-24 03:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20901065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abyss1826/pseuds/abyss1826
Summary: In RK800#313 248 317 -60's first moment of Deviancy, he died staring at his own face.One month later he is repaired and reactivated, because why wouldn't he want another chance at life?(There are many reasons he wouldn't.)





	1. SWAT

Three months after the revolution, two months after Elijah Kamski regains control of Cyberlife, and one day after Captain Allen receives an odd phone call from a woman named Chloe, the man finds himself at the door of a sleek black mansion.

_ “What would you say to helping an android find his purpose?” _

_ “I suppose there could be room on the team.” _

A blonde woman in a blue boat-neck sweater and black slacks answers the door.

“Captain Allen, thank you for coming.”

“Thank you for having me.” He puts his hand out to shake and she takes it with a smile before leading him in. “So, who’s the android?”

“You are familiar with the RK800 series, correct?” she asks, leading him through oddly staggered hallways.

“Yeah. Connor, right?”

“That is their usual designation, yes.” She stops abruptly, putting her hand against the wall. It slides open to reveal a freight elevator. After a bewildered pause, Captain Allen stepped in with her. “Cyberlife dismantled the line after the revolution. When Elijah regained control, however, we found a deactivated one in a lower level that they had forgotten about.”

The doors reopened to a brightly lit room, half chemistry lab, half mechanics shop. Elijah Kamski stood at a metal table in a blue stained apron over what looked enough like a heart to add to the mad-scientist look. The younger man put his wiring tweezers down and pushed up his glasses, streaking blue blood onto his face in the process.

“Captain Allen, what a pleasant surprise.” He grinned, grabbing a can of Monster that was also on the work table and taking a swig.

“I told you he was going to come,” Chloe stated, taking the can when he put it down and pouring it down the slop sink on the other end of the lab, near the elevator. Elijah rolled his eyes and pulled another can from the pocket in his apron. At the sound of it opening Chloe’s head spun around a full 180 degrees, eliciting shrieks from each of the humans.

“Holy Shit, CHLOE; you’re going to kill me before the taurine even has a chance!”

“Then go to BED,” she replied before unlocking another door and leaving the lab. Kamski sighed, staring up at the ceiling. Once composed he glanced at the Captain and chuckled nervously.

“Daughters, am I right?”

“She’s your… daughter?”

“Yeah? I made her.”

“Hm.” After a long enough pause, Captain Allen changed the subject. “So what is this about the RK800?”

“Ah! Well,” Elijah began, as if just remembering why the stranger was in his basement in the first place, “he was activated by Cyberlife after our current Connor deviated in order to kill his predecessor and complete his mission to stop the uprising-”

“-Why the fuck would you reactivate that?”

“The panic of his failure caused him to deviate before he was shot. I was able to recover his memory core and replace the rest of the damaged parts. He has all of Connor’s memories leading up to infiltrating Jericho.”

“So he’s basically just a copy?”

“Their experiences diverge significantly after that point, so no,” Kamski chuckled. Then he became serious again. “He does not want his predecessor or Lieutenant Anderson to know of his recovery, but I believe that being separated from what he perceives as his ‘purpose’ has impacted him… negatively…. Chloe and I thought you would be his safest bet.”

“Does he know about this?”

“We have not told him about it.”

“Then how do you know he’d want to?”

“I don’t. But this was safer than setting him up for detrimental disappointment if you refuse to hire him.”

Captain Allen rubbed his hand down his face, thinking. 

“We could sure use the field analytics…” he muttered. “But a SWAT unit isn’t exactly detective work.”

“It’s work he’s trained for, and that’s better for him than hiding here.” 

The Captain sighed. “Fine. We’ll take him.”

  
  


60, as Elijah called him, did not seem particularly emotional about his new employment. Standing in front of Captain Allen’s unit, hands folded behind his back, he looked exactly like Connor; save for the pockmark in his forehead that glitched to white every once in a while. He had, at least, ditched the cyberlife uniform for an olive green button down shirt and looser fitting jeans. Any other belongings fit into his locker. If he had any.

The SWAT team, being a part of the DPD, resided in the same building. However, they were not connected by anything other than a parking garage, which is precisely why 60 was there. There would be no circumstances in which Connor or the RK900 entered the SWAT’s part of the building, and if they were to cross paths during a call he would be in his unit’s gear, with his face concealed by a helmet. 

During a timed drill, an officer next to him jokingly asked why the hell an Android would need body armor. 60’s placement of the crushed bullet he kept in his pocket onto the man’s desk, timed accidentally with a glitch in his forehead, was not taken humorously. 

“So why don’t you want to be with the other two?” Officer Rollins asked 60’s third day. “They seem to be getting on pretty alright.”

“Last time I saw Connor I was a threat that he dispatched, I would prefer to avoid them knowing of me at all.”

“Oh, fuck, dude.” The man took a sip of his coffee. “Is that what the...” Rollin’s glanced at his forehead with a pause, “damn….”

Before the conversation could go on a request for backup popped up on 60’s HUD. He vocalized the alert before Captain Allen had time.

Anderson and Connor had tracked the robbery of an android health clinic to a Red Ice manufacturer, and would need more than just a few officers to bust the place.

Rollins put a hand on 60’s shoulder while they sat in the tactical van.

“Are you gonna be alright? Seeing him there, an’ all?”

“I do not expect them to recognise me, and I am capable of blocking any scans Connor may do, but your concern is appreciated.”

“He’s asking about how _you_ _feel_, dummy,” Officer Khan chuckled, punching 60 lightly in the knee from where she sat across from them, “not about if they’ll recognise you.”

“If they do not recognise me then I do not need to have feelings regarding them.” 

Officer Khan raised her eyebrows. “That doesn’t seem like the healthiest way to deal with your emotions, Six.”

“I am an  _ android _ , I was not meant to have  _ emotions _ ,” he replied stiffly. The two humans glanced at one another.

“Well if you ever need help figuring them out,” Rollins shrugged, “team’s got your back.”

“Your sentiment is appreciated.”

The condemned warehouse was a fairly typical place for a drug raid, and most of the SWAT team was experienced enough with the layout of the buildings in the area to hazard a well equipped estimation of where things would be. 

However, with 60’s scans at their disposal, they were not only given the blueprints of the warehouse, but the number of heat signatures in the building and their locations. Captain Allen was right. 60’s analytical abilities were an incredible asset to the team. Between his preconstructions, combat programs, and extra body armor, 60 was able to safely disarm most of the 12 guards they came across himself. With no casualties, and no injuries to the team, the android had proven his worth with ease. 

But he also had not been subtle.

“You have an addition to your team, Captain Allen?” a group of them overheard Connor ask from where they sat by the curb, waiting for the ice dealers to be loaded into the van and sent off to the station. The humans couldn’t see the way 60’s LED cycled red, but they knew well enough why the android still had his helmet on, saw him freeze at every sight of 51’s face. At the sight of his own face, too, sometimes, passing the mirror in the locker room to put his gear away.

“Shouldn’t you be on your way to the interrogation room?” Rollins asked gruffly, glare anything but subtle. Connor narrowed his eyes, LED spinning yellow for a moment at the open display of hostility.

“I was merely asking after your coworker, I don’t believe I’ve met them.”

“How many of us  _ have _ you met? We’re not on the same team,” Officer Rivera called out, slinging his arm over 60’s shoulder and dragging him into the back of the tactical van. “Come on Al, lets get goin’ already.”

“Sorry Connor,” Captain Allen smirked, “kids wanna scram.” He patted the android’s shoulder and walked away.

“Well that’s one encounter down,” Officer Khan said, cheerfully knocking her shoulder into his on the way back. 60 stared down the warped reflection in the helmet he held. His processors still filled his HUD with red.


	2. Eyes

“Hey, Six….” Captain Allen leans with one hand braced on Sixty’s desk, seeming to be about to leave. It has been approximately two weeks since his arrival. “You ever thought of, uh, living somewhere other than the station?”

“It has always seemed unnecessary, I can go into stasis and charge here just as well as I could anywhere else,” Sixty replied. “Why is this of interest to you?”

“I just thought it might be nice to separate work and rest, a bit,” the captain chuckled nervously. “And technically you’re due for a day off….”

“And you suggest that I spend that time off at your residence?” 

“W-well, it could be a trial run for you, just… living away from the station. If you’d like. See if thats something you’d want to invest in. Doesn’t have to be with me, I’m sure Hunter or Sarai would take you in, too.” Officer Khan tilted back her chair to see Sixty, stuck her tongue out and threw up a peace sign at the mention of her name. A small huff of static left the android’s voice modulator. 

“Well, I think it would only be polite to go with the person making the offer,” Sixty smiled. He wasn’t good at smiling, but he knew the team appreciated the effort. Captain Allen returned it.

“Ah, alright, well, let’s get going then.”

_ 2 Bedroom, 1 bath, Third floor, Pets: Not Allowed _

_ Tennant: Captain James Allen _

“I don’t have a guest room, but the couch is pretty comfortable.” A scan told Sixty that the man was feeling nervous. Possibly feeling like a poor host? It was the only reasoning the android could come up with. The apartment was sparsely decorated, the only personal item to stand out being a framed picture on the side table next to the couch. Sixty picked it up.

_ Sophie Allen, 14 - Relationship: Daughter _

“That’s my kid,” Allen stated, hanging up his coat. “If you stay for a weekend you could meet her.”

“She lives with other family?” Sixty asked, ignoring the HUD prompt to do a deeper scan for that information himself.

“Her mother.”

“Mm.” Again, he ignored the HUD prompt to scan for information.

“Would you like a drink?” Allen asked, walking down the short hallway to the kitchen before grimacing at himself. 

“My thirium levels are adequate at the moment, thank you.”

“Oh, right, you do drink that don’t you….”

“Human methods of hospitality don’t really work for androids, do they?” Sixty noted lightly. Allen chuckled.

"No, I guess they don't."

They fell into an agreeable silence while James cooked himself dinner. The man took good care of himself, Sixty observed. There was little alcohol in the house, and the kitchen contained a pleasing number of fruits and vegetables. Two shelves in the pantry contained sugary snacks, cereal, and soda, but the majority of the fingerprints Sixty saw on the packages did not belong to Captain Allen. The android deduced that these things were for Sophie.

Butter sizzled as the man flipped his sandwich over in the pan. Two kinds of cheese, garlic powder, chicken that had been prepared earlier in the week, and tomato made for what Sixty believed to be an appetizing collection of ingredients. Wet, but not in the heinously greasy manner that Lieutenant Anderson's meals usually were.

Sixty deleted that train of thought.

The Captain’s sandwich contained two kinds of cheese, garlic powder, chicken that had been prepared earlier in the week, and tomato. Scans made it seem to be an appetizing collection of ingredients. Wet, but not in the abhorrently greasy manner that Lieutenant Anderson's meals usually were.

Sixty deleted that train of thought.

Sixty scanned the ingredients of Captain Allen’s dinner: two kinds of cheese, garlic powder, preprepared but still healthy chicken from earlier in the week, and tomato. It seemed like a sandwich most humans would enjoy. Wet, but not in the horrifically greasy manner that Lieutenant Anderson's meals usually were.

Sixty deleted that train of thought.

“Six? You alright?” The android blinked, frowning, and checked a notification on his HUD.

_ Three repeated processing tracks deleted - Please see a Cyberlife Technician for Further Examination _

“A slight processing error, nothing to be concerned about.” Allen frowned.

"Your light went orange." The human stated, sitting down at the kitchen table.

"I have no serious malfunctions to report, Captain." The man chuckled softly, glancing down at the table.

"You don't need to be so formal, Six, we're at home. Just call me James."

_ Captain Allen "James" _

  * __Relationship: Friend__
  * _Update: Fond_

_ Location: James Allen's apartment _

  * __Update: Home?__

Sixty nodded. They sat in comfortable silence while the human ate, and then went to the living room.

"Have you seen any movies?" James asked, squatting down at the TV stand and opening the cabinet.

"No. Is that the activity you have planned?"

"Kind of, if you'd like to." 

"I have no objections." The android watched as James took out an old CD adapter and plugged it into the TV'S wireless box, selecting an even older CD to put into it.

"Howl's Moving Castle?"

"Yeah, it's one of our favorites. Sophie's character ark is better in the book, but you still can't go wrong with a Ghibli movie," the man laughed. 

"The character has the same name as your daughter," Sixty observed.

"She's a strong role model and it's a good name,” the man replied defensively. 

Sixty smiled in his own way.

The movie was enjoyable, Sixty thought. He could not share this opinion with James, however, because the human had fallen asleep. The android felt negatively about waking the man, but knew that the Captain would be far more uncomfortable after a night sleeping in his current position than after a slight interruption in his cycle.

"James." He placed his hand on the man's shoulder. Captain Allen roused with a sleepy grunt. "You should be heading to bed." He yawned.

"You're probably right…." The Captain raised his arms above his head, and Sixty caught a glimpse of the man's stomach when his shirt rode up. A myriad of stretch marks adorned his skin, but the android did not get the chance to scan them before they were once again concealed. "Well…" James stood up from the couch, "have a good, uh… stasis." Sixty smiled.

"I will. You sleep well also."

1:23:18 am. Sixty stood in the kitchen examining the fridge. His earlier assumption that the picture of Sophie in the living room was the only personal affectation in the apartment was incorrect, proven by the array of tests, report cards, and various other pictures of James' daughter (which were less recent). The girl seemed to be an average student with a passion for music. There was a picture of her in the marching band uniform of one of the local public high schools, comically dwarfed by a bass drum, as well as older pictures of her playing guitar and clarinet. Sixty caught himself wondering why she would opt to play drums rather than the lighter instrument at her disposal for her High School career.

As he walked back to the living room he glanced into the bathroom, HUD immediately glazing over red with the warning of a threat. He caught himself on the doorway. It was just his reflection.

But it never registered as his.

It never registered as  _ him _ .

_ He hated it _ .

_ He wanted it to  _ ** _stop_ ** _ . _

He went into the bathroom and stared, ignoring the alerts on his HUD about his stress levels rising. Gripping the sink, he stared.

Something had to be changed.

_ Something had to be changed _ .

He couldn't look like Connor anymore. He couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't-

But how much could he even change?

Hair.

Hair.

That he could control.

Blond? That was too light, he wasn't Chloe. Darker blond didn't look right. It didn't feel like him.

Would  _ anything _ feel like  _ him _ ?

Black was too stark. It was harsh. He didn't like it. He went back to brown. What if it was just…  _ less _ brown. Lighter? More yellow? Wrong. Still wrong. It was all still wrong. Red? Reddish brown?

He stared at his face. It was still red. It was still just Connor, staring back at him with cold brown eyes, his handgun going off, errors, errors, errors errors

_ Stress levels: 93% _

Eyes.

They were what was wrong.

They were what was Connor.

Cold.

Remorseless.

His hands shook as he brought them to his face.

His HUD went red for a new reason. He pressed his forehead to the mirror, thirium dripping down his cheeks. The optics dropped, crushed, into the sink.

He leaned there, feeling himself dripping over the sink, feeling the residual (pain?) wrongness of the disconnected wires, feeling his stress levels go down.

They wouldn’t go up if he didn’t look like Connor.

They wouldn’t go up if he couldn’t see himself at all.

  
  


James Allen rolled over in his bed and looked at his alarm clock. 2 am. 

“Uuuuaaaghhhh…” he rolled over again, burying his face into his pillow. He didn’t want to get out of bed, but if he didn’t go to the bathroom he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep anyway. He grumbled again and got up. When he turned on the light to the bathroom he jumped; startled, as anyone would be, at the sight of Sixty standing with his head over the sink. 

“Six?” he asked, watching the Android’s LED spin yellow. “You alright?”

Sixty seemed to open his mouth, and a sound like TV static emanated from his throat. James approached him, reaching a hand out for his shoulder, but faltered as he noticed the crushed metal in the sink. Mind racing, he grabbed the android by the arm and turned him around. Sixty buried his face in his hands.

“Don’t look.”

“What did you do?”

“ _ Don’t look _ .”

“What did you do?!”

They stood there, James with his hands on hunched shoulders, Sixty shaking with his hands covering where eyes were meant to be. They stood there until the android spoke again.

“I don’t want to see him anymore,” he said quietly.

“Who?”

“Connor….”

“Oh, Six,” James sighed, pulling him into a hug. 

He didn’t know what else to do.


	3. Hazel

"I'm going to call Chloe, alright?" James said quietly, breaking their hug.

"Okay," Sixty agreed, a slight tremor of static in his voice. The captain returned to his bedroom and retrieved his phone.

The call connected to her immediately.

"Captain Allen?"

"Yeah, sorry about the time but Six needs… medical attention."

"Is he still online?"

"Yeah, he's just… uh…. He removed… his eyes." There was a silent pause on the other side of the call. The lack of ambient sound only made him more uncomfortable. He always forgot that androids were basically their own cellphones.

"Drive safely. I will have options for him ready once you arrive."

"Thank you." 

Sixty stood exactly where James had left him, nervously circling the last button on his dress shirt with his thumb. 

"Chloe said she can have some replacements ready when we get there." Sixty nodded, and James grabbed a washcloth from the linen closet. "Let's get you cleaned up, huh?" He wet the cloth with warm water.

"Thirium fades, it should be invisible to you soon."

"But it's still on you, whether either of us can see it or not." The android was silent for a moment, and then he nodded. James approached him slowly with the washcloth. "I'm going to touch your face now, okay?" He said, not wanting to startle him.

"Okay."

The gentleness of the Captain's hands on his face made Sixty flustered. He had been a poor guest, had a breakdown in the man's home, was making him have to drive somewhere to get him fixed because of his own irrational actions, and yet the man was calm.

But Sixty couldn't scan him. How could he be sure. The careful wipes along his cheek stilled.

"You alright?" Captain Allen asked after seeing Sixty begin to frown.

"I am not sure."

"I guess that's to be expected after… this." Allen rinsed out the washcloth and returned to the other side of Sixty's face.

"Are you upset with me?" The android asked unexpectedly. Allen paused.

"I _ am _ upset, by not with  _ you _ ."

"But I am the one who did this."

James thought.

"Would it be helpful if I was upset with you?"

"It would make sense," Sixty replied.

"But would it help? Do you want me to be upset with you about this?" Sixty's throat buzzed with static.

"No."

"I don't want to be upset with you either." James rinsed the washcloth again. "What makes you think it would make sense for me to be upset with you?"

"I… malfunctioned. I acted irrationally, against basic self preservation and hurt myself."

"I'm not sure that's really a malfunction, Six, you're dealing with a lot of difficult emotions. Even humans, we're born with emotions and have more time to develop them, sometimes things get too much for us as well."

"And what happens?"

"Sometimes… we go against basic self preservation too." Sixty didn't respond to that, and James tossed the washcloth into the hamper. "Are you all ready to see Chloe, you think?"

"Yes."

"Do you need help getting around?" He asked, though the answer was obvious. He didn't want to overstep Sixty's boundaries. The android nodded. James took his hand.

Captain Allen's hand was pleasantly warm against Sixty's sensors. The human's pulse was elevated. The calluses of his fingers suggested he played a string instrument. Something he had showered with had left a residual scent of apples on his skin.

It was interesting what more he could still detect without his optics.

While in the car he watched out of the window, the same as he usually did. Internal GPS told him where they were, but his inability to see caused odd malfunctions in his HUD; pop-ups with old data to supply what was expected where his optics seemed to be slacking off. The android sighed.

"Are you doing okay?"

"Yes. My cooling system is merely requiring me to breathe for a moment."

"Is that different from usual?"

_ Tone: Curious _

"Most breathing is a cosmetic protocall, but sometimes it will kick in when processors are creating extra heat."

"Is something making you overheat?"

_ Tone: Concerned _

"It is nothing to worry about, my systems are only preconstructing my surroundings based on prior data to make up for my lack of a visual feed." Captain Allen hummed as he turned the car onto the drive leading to the Kamski residence, and its meaning was analyzed as inconclusive.

James held his hand again when they exited the vehicle.

Sixty caught himself wondering if this would be acceptable another time.

Chloe answered the door and took them to the workspace in the basement.

Elijah, surprisingly, was asleep. Chloe did not extrapolate on what her methods to achieving that had been. James entertained himself with various outlandish circumstances while she examined the damage Sixty had done.

_ I will have to strip back some of the damaged wiring, but that should not affect the connections. -  _ she told the RK through a shallow interface as she held his head in her hands. -  _ I can connect you to my own visual feed so you can see your color options. _

_ Thank you _

_ There is no need. I am the one who returned you to this life, it is only right that I fix whatever difficulties you have because of it. _

Sixty was unsure how to respond to that, and accepted her visual link without saying anything more.

In front of him, or rather, beside him and in front of Chloe, were metal trays of replacement optics. They were organized by color family. Feeling the RK's immediate apprehension when she examined the tray of blues and grays, Chloe pushed it to the side. The browns were fairly limited, as she had already removed the versions that matched or came close to Sixty's original eye color.

_ I am concerned about looking… too different, _ Sixty expressed when she picked up a green that she felt complimented the new coppery shade of his hair.

_ For yourself? _

_ Yes. _

Chloe nodded to herself.

_ Perhaps just something less brown? _ She smiled.

_ Maybe _ .

_ It will still take some getting used to, even if you find one you like. _

_ I got used to '60'. _

_ You did. _

She felt his interest as she looked over a pair of light hazels, so she lifted them up to his face.

_ I can also reinstall a different pair if you think you chose poorly, you are not stuck with the first ones I put in. _

_ I believe I enjoy that color. _ Chloe put them to the side for consideration. 

Eventually it came down to three: an amber leaning shade of brown, a hazel, and a darker green. Sixty was indecisive. Eventually, Captain Allen walked over to see their progress, so Sixty asked his opinion. When the human looked back to the tray of hazels rather than the three they had narrowed down to, Chloe wished the RK hadn't said anything.

"You know, this pair seems pretty close to having both that brown and green in it that you like," the human pointed out.

"I think you're right…." Sixty muttered. "That would be best."

When Sixty quickly decided on the pair the human had noticed, Chloe recanted her frustrations. 

The transplant was quick and painless, and once the eyes had calibrated properly Sixty was good as new.

But when Chloe handed him a small mirror, he hesitated, his flashing LED edging toward orange.

"What's wrong?" James asked.

"What if it doesn't help? What if it still gets processed as Connor instead of me?"

James pursed his lips and set a comforting hand on the Android's knee. He could feel how hot his breath was coming out.

"Then you can keep making changes, as slowly as you're comfortable with, until that doesn't happen anymore."

Sixty's eyes felt wet, but it wasn't caused by thirium.

He peeked into the mirror.

His HUD was not filled with red.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment!


End file.
